Sunday, December 9, 2007

17th century chastity belt?

Look at this contraption!

Welcome to this weekend's surprise. I tell you, as we get closer and closer to that due date, I encounter more and more surprises--some pleasant, others not so pleasant.

I have been having some "growth" issues the past few weeks. I don't mean that I'm not growing, au contraire... I mean that our little "bundle of joy" is growing faster than my body (or is it body AND mind?) can figure out how to deal with it. Last Tuesday I woke up with terrible side stitches that were so painful I was really at a loss on how to deal with them. A call to the midwife convinced me that they were just "growing pains" and that they'd eventually go away. Hmph. They did. Three days later.

Yesterday Joe and Ginger and I went for a walk in the park. It was a measly 1.5 mile walk, and by the end of us my stomach was tighter than a drum, practically forcing me to stop walking. This is all rather frustrating, because while I'm sure that I've lost some aerobic capacity since I've stopped running, I still feel strong on that front. I've adjusted to being winded a good share of the time. Secondly, I'm itching to get out there and have some kind of vigorous workout, even a good long, brisk walk would do it. Unfortunately, my abdominal muscles are not on board with this plan. Lately they've really been acting up to any attempt. I was convinced that I had to do something...

Fast forward to this afternoon. Joe and I are in Babies R Us standing in the maternity pillow/support belt aisle, mesmerized by the different products. I'd done a little research on these "belts", which remind me of weight lifters' belts. I couldn't really find one that really stuck out as being the magic rememdy. I asked J. which one he thought would be best. He says, "I think you just have to try them on, Liz." "You're kidding right?" "No! How else are you going to know?" Argh.

I remove my jacket and start pulling all of these different contraptions out of their boxes and attempt to put them on over my enormous red shirt. People file past us. I know these men, and the women too for that matter, must be turning the corner of the aisle and laughing their A$%es off. I mean, wouldn't you? I would have, until just recently.

I opted for the one that appears to have the best back support, sound design and sufficient amount of material that will adequately support, and ideally LIFT, this load I'm carrying all out front. I felt utterly ridiculous. I mean, really, how can I take this thing seriously? I'll bet that you're not sitting there envious of me and my new undergarment. It looks like a chastity belt! Well, sort of. The only humor that I can find at the moment is the irony here--that *I*, the pregnant woman, am wearing it. Fat lotta good it'll do me now, right? :-) Well, I'm hoping anyway that it'll alleviate some of the stress to my screaming abdominals. I'll let you know what happens.


Anonymous said...

Lizzy All I can say is GOD BLESS YOU-your humor during this is unbelievable Keep the positive going forward and before you know it-your baby will be here. Love to you and Joey Love Mom V

Anonymous said...

What brand did you get?
Let me know if it helps significantly.

Can't wait to see you guys!